Look up this time
This one from my brother Brian:
Thoughts of last night are torturing me
We gave into “I love you” ’s and lust after a failed world war three
Playing with the black and white I’m inspired to let out all the amazing you see in me
Sitting still,thoughts of happiness like this used to make me ill
Jealous,I got angry instead of wishing others well
Luckily,this time I have a different story to tell
Maybe this time it’ll be something I can sell
With chords and a scream written in my own little heaven,leading your thoughts out of hell
“There’s nothing you can or should do within the next 24 hours”
A conversation that led to thoughts of first dates and flowers
Mimicking the heroes that brought us so close,I tried desperately to convince you of my powers
To make you happy and laugh,time travel to your hurts and take them all back
With my hands on your spine I pray that you’ll put up with this bed of pain one more time
As far as I know this is a rare occasion
A friendship like ours escalating into nothing less than love and passion
As my head tries to heed an old lesson something inside me screams “what use is caution?”
February 17th, 2009 at 1:57 am
Brian, I like your poem a lot I even relate in a lot of ways. I think you may want to condense parts of it a bit. It’s really late right now, I’ll take another look at it in the morning and post more specific suggestions.
February 17th, 2009 at 1:58 am
good job none the less.